Everyone wants to be (this is where we start filling in the blanks: fit, thin, perfect etc) [ideal].
I was FAT. I got to 305 pounds (as recorded by the doctors office). I thought I was overweight but I was truly "morbidly obese". I said hateful things to the universe for the creation of that term. And denied it.
I also denied myself. I stopped caring about things like appearance. Not so much that I became "people of Walmart" but I let myself forget what it was to be a girl. I stopped doing one of my favorite things; going to see Nelson (@NelsonRockBand). For 7 years I denied myself this wonderful treat. I knew I was a mess, even in the midst of my overall denial.
I gave valid excuses for not planning a trip to even the nearest venues, but under it all, I'd let myself go and I knew it. During the period of my weight gain, a basically fit Gunnar underwent his Celebrity Fit Club experience and all my thin mother and sister could talk to one another civilly about were weight and pounds they'd lost and wanted to lose. I got angrier! I felt vindicated when I noticed others gaining weight and blamed people who lost weight for universally sending their bulk my direction. Entertaining the stupidity that there was only so much fat in the universe and that those who lost it sent it to those who "mysteriously" gained it. Never mind the fact that I NEVER considered a serving size or nutritional quality of food. Add to that a heaping helping of couch potato! Conversely, I feel sad for people who are gaining weight and really want to celebrate those who are losing it, I'm in the frame of mind now to do these things.
In January 2011 something finally cracked through my self destruction. It might have been my age, but what's so magical about 42? It could have been a caring source outside my small universe - a treasure of a friend I work with made passing comments about "getting" me to do this or that thing to lose weight. Calli is NOT a man to mince words when he believes in something but it seems he used subterfuge in his attempts on me. At first I bristled at what I read as snide comments and then they started to be absorbed as the careful words they really were.
I immediately found myself ready. Ready to care. Ready to DO the things I only talked about. I started reducing my portion sizes and talked about joining the gym. That was when my youngest sister (not the weight talking one-the healer, holistic, teacher one) let me know about My Fitness Pal - the app and website. She warned me that I would get to a point where I would choose better foods just by not wanting to log that I'd eaten the worse ones. She was right. I never did join the gym, I still consider it. But I started walking. There's more to this story here
As I walked every day those first fifteen minute walks were very important but by today's standard would be a very minimal attempt. I used to do a complete 1/3 of a mile. Today that fifteen minutes is at least a full mile. Which proves that it does get easier. I walk up to (and sometimes beyond) 6 miles per day.
As a celebration of my success, I rewarded myself with girly things like cute clothes and hair, makeup and a much needed trip to see "my guys", so Cindy & I planned a whirlwind trip to Auburn, CA in September 2011. I'd lost 80 pounds by the time we started planning and had exceeded 100# lost by the time the trip rolled around.
The loss has slowed after 127 pounds but I've read that it gets tougher. I guess that gym thing really can't remain just a consideration. I'm not a "good" runner, but I might have to mix that in as well.
Back when Gunnar was DOING the Celebrity Fit Club thing, I thought he was crazy and NO I didn't watch. Recently I heard him talk about the experience on a radio interview and I "got it". I was not inspired by his adventure at the time but I've been further inspired by his retelling. Around the same time, Matt was talking about an entirely different lifestyle change and cited his own song lyrics from their mega hit After the Rain; "Don't be afraid to lose what was never meant to be". Like I said, completely different lifestyle change but the words I'd heard and sung along with hundreds of times all of a sudden crept up on me with new meaning. I was not meant to be this person, I could let it go, who is afraid of being better than they are now? Not me.
Many miles have been trod since the start of my own fitness adventure and they were to the beat of many a Nelson (@NelsonRockBand) tune. Especially their most recent Lightning Strikes Twice. It's got a great beat and you can really keep a good pace!
I considered more than once whether or not the words in this post were words to be kept inside my head or to be shared, but in the end, I felt like I just had to post this. I have been thinking a lot - for some time now - about who deserves an honorable mention in this chapter of my life and it has to be dear Kalehua (Calli); sweet Mary (my sister, the healer); Gunnar Nelson and Matthew Nelson (for keeping the beat); my dear friend Cindy (for putting up with and eventually coming along with me on the fitness adventure).
You have to be ready for such a change, you can't force or will it to be. I was finally ready to change how I saw food and my interpretation of serving sizes. Don't be afraid to split a meal at a restaurant. They serve at least a double portion! Even if the server gives you the evil eye (true story for another day).
Be ready... whatever changes you have been waiting to make, be watchful for that readiness in your life... and if you are ready to hear any messages that might live within this post, I'm happy. If not, it will be here for when you are.
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